We must solve a marital dispute today 👰🏻♀️
Context: My husband and I have been together for over a decade.
We’re stuck on a question. We need your help.
oh, the 2010s. How much we have learned since then 😆
You would think by now we would’ve had every argument, every discussion.
Turns out we haven’t.
The dispute in question: When does the week end?
Last week, I pulled him for a chat 😏
Love Island fans, you got this reference. Everyone else (including my husband—hey babe!) sorry, now back to the newsletter. 😎
We have a family calendar and often have to coordinate daily tasks like school drop off or grocery runs. Last weekend on Saturday I was doing exactly that as we had a busy week ahead of us.
I noted that we needed to get ahead of next week’s insane calendar.
He laughed and said something to the effect of “I mean next week starts tomorrow, but I feel you babe. Let’s knock it out.”
I STOPPED IN MY TRACKS. Tomorrow? Tomorrow is Sunday. What is he getting on about?
That’s when we learned that “this weekend” wasn’t a clear term.
Sunday is a new week to him, a fresh start. For me, it’s the last day OF the weekend.
🗣 “HEY SIRI—play “The Weekend” by SZA… no the The Weeknd. Queue that for later. The Weekend. By SZA. OK THANK YOU, anyways—
I started to wonder if this was a bigger debate. My calendar on the wall starts on Sundays, but my electronic calendar + Upwork hourly timer has always started with Mondays.
What gives? Let’s decide together.
This dispute is unserious in nature. My husband and I don’t really care when the week “ends”, but after reflecting? I realized it drastically can affect how we approach our time, our mood, and our overall lives. Soooooo, I’m sharing it with y’all and we will see what you decide.
When does the week end?
😬 THE PROBLEM
You assumed consensus.
It’s not just assuming we mean the same thing when we say the term “weekend.”
We assume consensus everywhere.
My mom always says “when you assume, you make a you-know-what out of U and ME.”
(yes, she really does say 'you-know-what' as a placeholder — she's not crass like me; she's a wholesome lady 💓)
When does 'this morning' end?
11am? noon? whenever you've had coffee?
…and when does it start? the coffee? 5am? 10am EDT?
If you’re in NY and client is in Oregon, when is “end of day” really?
When do you move from contract to paid work?
What does “gifts welcome but not required” really mean?
If happy hour starts at 6, are we rolling through at 6:30 or do they expect us there when the clock starts ticking?
And we ALL think we're the standard
Apply this to everything in life and concern sets in.
Someone is probably ALWAYS on the wrong clock/understanding…and doesn’t even know it
POV: on your way out the door, your boss says that "EOD means 5pm” and you've been turning things in at 11:59pm for years.
🧔♂ : “business Mom, this is starting to feel like a communication issue more than a definition issue…”
💁🏻♀️ : “You’re almost there. Both matter, you just have the wrong order.”
🤔 THE REALIZATION
everyone's right, nobody's clear
This isn’t really a “dispute” as much as it is a reframing.
I used to race to Sunday night. Catching up on tasks. “Finishing” my week.
This left me with an ever-growing perpetual backlog.
I felt like I had until the end of the week to get this week’s tasks done. When procrastination or self-doubt crept in, that task I was avoiding would shift from Monday ➡ Thursday ➡ Friday ➡ uhhhh Sunday Morning I guess!
My days of the week were sharing tasks like those girls in that song were sharing SZA’s man-not-her-man.
But in that timeless track, SZA was doing something even better than most of us:
She was naming it. Then, she communicated it.
Like it or not…
SHE WAS CLEAR 💅
The problem isn't different definitions.
The problem is when nobody talks about them.
Which brings us to what to actually do about it, but first:
This is for anyone in the business fam who deals with time blindness, ADHD, or "where did the day go" energy 👇
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💪 THE SOLUTION
name, confirm, & coordinate
Let’s talk about it. And more importantly, let’s do something about it.
Any time you are wandering through the Land of Ambiguity, use this 3-step solution as your guide.
POV: You trying to find this email during your next 5 vs 11:59 pm debate at work.
Let’s use the weekend as our example, before we lay this metaphor to rest.
1. Name your default
When does YOUR week start? When is it “over” and done?
Write it down
Share it with your assistant, your sister, whoever needs to know
2. Confirm theirs
When do THEY think the week starts and ends?
Literally ask
“When you say EOW is that Friday? Sunday? What time?”
Don’t assume (my mom already told y’all what happens!)
Remember most people have never been asked
They’ll appreciate the clarity and consideration
3. Coordinate what matters
We have to finish this project by June 1st. The easier, the better for us all.
If you share responsibility, pick a definition + reinforce it together
Honor people’s varying defaults, outside the shared space
Each takes what's theirs. The handoff is clean. The work gets covered.
POV: you’re wondering why I didn’t say this several paragraphs ago—then remembered that I am, in fact, a mom. We explain the most helpful, pointed advice through allegory, random sidebars, and a bit of exposition. We got there in the end tho 💌
✌ until next week—
We’re all experiencing similar struggles in different fonts.
A 10-minute walk never killed a deadline; go take one.
Every week is really the “same sh!t” …
but you can choose to handle it differently every Monday (when we all know a new week starts 😉)
Remember when I said we’re back?
OH I MEANT THAT.
See you for the next one 🫶