"Waiting to Exhale" is a movie title, y'all. Not a lifestyle.
Yet, here we are, many weeks since our last Lesson.
POV you see this lesson in your inbox after weeks of silence 🫣
You know that feeling when you cook a huge meal, and you have that moment? That moment that 3 burners are running at once and you forgot to set the timer on the oven?
You freeze in your tracks and all you can think about is "I'm going to burn the toast."
That was me a few months ago.
This lesson has been sitting half-written in my drafts since May.
I didn't let it cook...I just turned everything off and left.
A lesson. About patience. Half-written. Unsent. For two months.
I told y'all it was coming. Then I let a Mother's Day issue take its slot, which was a real decision I stand by. And then I just... didn't come back.
Not the next week.
Not the week after.
I went quiet across every platform I own, and I have a lot of them.
You want to know the actual reason?
It wasn't burnout, not entirely. It was that I looked at everything I was building and none of it was done. Not one thing was finished enough to point at.
And when you're impatient, an unfinished thing doesn't read as in progress. It reads as failing.
So I paused entirely.
What followed was weeks of sleepless nights, saying "I can't wait until {insert ambition here} is perfect/ready/done"
🗣 “HEY SIRI, queue up ‘All Night’ by Beyoncé”
😬 THE PROBLEM
YOU “CAN’T WAIT”
Everyone says "I can't wait" like it's excitement.
Anticipation is actually a confession.
"I can't wait for the algorithm to figure me out"
"I can't wait to know if it's working"
"I can't wait for them to commit"
"I can't wait to feel like I belong here"
Mmmm. 👀 that's not excitement. that's evidence.
When you can't wait, you feel impatient, and all that energy goes into waiting instead of DOING.
And suddenly you feel like you're under pressure in the worst way. The longer you wait, the more drastic each decision becomes.
A ticking timer fabricated from abundance that you've turned into tangible pressure.
🤔 THE REALIZATION
YOU'RE NOT UNDER PRESSURE.
YOU'RE THE PRESSURE COOKER.
You might be thinking “Who, me?” YES. You.
Impatience leaks quicker than the ick.
Y’all might not get where I’m going with this, so let Smino explain.
Disclaimer for my elder audience members, paper = money.
“Impatient with that paper, I put pressure on my peers”
Read that bar again.
The pressure didn't stay in his chest. It landed on his peers.
Being lost in the hustle begins to build intensity that you can't shake.
Impatience sinks its teeth into your spirit, and soon you're always grinding to serve this insatiable need for completion.
When you’re Smino inspiring other artists to step up their game? It’s a gift.
When you’re chasing a goal and are waiting for your next big accomplishment?
It’s a sickness that spreads from you to everyone in your vicinity.
When I'm impatient, my team feels it.
My clients feel it in the way I ask for feedback.
My kids feel it in how fast I'm moving through a Tuesday.
My husband feels it.
The pressure builds and the resentment spills, and the people closest to me end up carrying a deadline they never agreed to.
You can hustle without making everyone around you a hostage to your timeline.
But you have to actually notice you’re causing that pressure first.
To help you practice waiting without building pressure, please wait for the solution while you enjoy a message from today’s sponsor:
RIP always to this legend. A true icon.
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SEE! That was easy. Now, onto the solution.
💪 THE SOLUTION
LET IT COOK
🗣 “HEY SIRI, play ‘LET HER COOK’ by Glorilla next.”
Patience is not standing still. Patience is the cooking.
Patience is active.
You keep the heat on something that doesn't look like anything yet.
And you do NOT yank the lid off every four minutes to check if it's ready. Every time you do, you let the heat out and add ten more minutes.
(Seriously, don’t do that!)
Impatience doesn't make it faster. It makes it take longer, then convinces you the recipe was bad.
And that's the real cost. Not the time. The evidence. You never find out if that thing would've worked.
Letting it cook isn't waiting. it's outlasting:
the stressful heat of your "kitchen" (AKA where you are creating/working)
the doubt
the annoyance
the ick (yes, that ick, see Lesson 33)
every voice, internal and external, telling you the timeline isn't fast enough
Instead of walking away, try a simmer.
I came back. That's it. That's the whole move.
Not with a rebrand. Not with a new business. Not with a manifesto about how everything is different now. I just opened the drafts folder, found this lesson exactly where I left it, and finished the sentence I stopped in the middle of.
Because the pot was still on. It was always still on. I'm the one who walked out.
Fortunately I left it on simmer. The content exists even when I’m not adding to the archive. 4 subscribers gained, 4 lost. Not ideal, but not beyond repair.
Even better, prep before service.
Much like a waitress at an overloaded restaurant, find your version of bringing water and free rolls to your guests.
Don’t rush the meal (task) and risk burning it all down.
Take your time, and nurture the things in life that make it difficult to do that.
Practically:
I got sick and couldn’t go to the gym for 2 weeks.
Instead of panicking because I could not do perfect workouts that matched my nicely planned spreadsheet (yes, I have one), I started working out at home with my husband and kids after dinner.
I’m still letting my physical health “simmer” and using those muscles.
I prepped for my future workouts by doing a lighter version at home. Just like the line cook slicing cheese in the morning for the inevitable dinner rush of burgers that night.
I prepped for my future workouts by continuing to nourish my body, hydrate, and keep up the protein.
When I go back to the gym, it will be natural to turn up the heat and work out.
Had I walked away completely? I’d leave that first session back at the gym fully sore, angry, and likely injured.
Enjoy the wait
Instead of feeling like you “can’t wait” for something to happen or change, try embracing that waiting period.
Make use of it to prepare for what’s next, or simply pause to listen to something other than your own anxiety and see where that takes you.
Dance to the proverbial elevator music.
Reflect on your performance in class when you’re waiting for exam results.
Just breathe, and do something meaningful to take up the emptiness of waiting.
YOU CAN WAIT.
And when done correctly, it can even be the reason you’re ready when that terrifying, exciting, or highly-anticipated next step arrives.
As a reward for your patience:
Let me answer a question in advance:
🤷🏽♂️: "but what happens when that doesn't work??"
💁🏻♀️: "Next Thursday, we're gonna talk about what to do when you're trying, but still stuck in a loop."
until next week—
Aging is a gift, not an expiration on your potential.
You're probably right about that gut feeling you're ignoring right now.
The grass is always greener on the other side if nobody is over there to back up that assumption with evidence.
OH YEAH, and I turned 30 🥳
P.S. for months, I’ve been saying “I can’t wait to get the podcast episodes back on a regular schedule.” That largely informed this lesson, so you’re welcome for learning from my mistakes! 🙂 Podcast returns tomorrow with Season 1, Episode 16: “Cozy up to change —Love, Jacqui”